I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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