wrigley field is MILF paradise
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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