I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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