How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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