Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
