so explain again why im purple
no
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
