I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
