No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
