I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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