When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
