You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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