I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
