ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
