whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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