You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
