K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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