you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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