I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have demons in me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
