so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
