Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
