it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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