I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
