1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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