Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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