Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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