I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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