Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
