I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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