I must be too annoying 4 u.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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