i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
