Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
