Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
