I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
