I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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