i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
