my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
