lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
