you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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