Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
