I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
