I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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