I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
