I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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