You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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