we're blogging at a bar
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
