Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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