everyone is single if you try hard enough
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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