haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So much rum. So many feels.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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