she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
