If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
