I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
