absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
