if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
