I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
