remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
