thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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