I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
