i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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