Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
